Notes from the pizza run

Some sage observations from my two month career as a pizza delivery man.

  • There are lots and lots of houses with invisible addresses.
    (Can’t see them after dark, numbers have fallen off, etc.).  Come on, people.
  • When you finally find your destination, in the dark, down a narrow dusty road in the middle of the bush, it’s a good idea not to get out of the car.  Flash your lights and honk your horn if necessary.  They will eventually come out, along with their four trusty hounds.
  • Do not always trust Google.
  • If a statuesque blonde answers the door, clad in nothing but a towel, struggle to maintain eye contact and keep a straight face.  Even if she says “Hi, Pizza Man!”
  • If, when the door opens, some funny smelling smoke drifts out, be prepared for  semantic difficulties.  (One customer could barely speak, then left me standing there for five minutes while he went to find his phone, thinking he could use his banking app to pay.  Then didn’t know how to use it.)
  • If you have the option of not putting the pizza sign on your car, don’t.  It makes it less uncomfortable if you have to pull any slightly illegal moves on the road.
  • Squirrels are notoriously poor decision makers.

I’ve enjoyed the ambiance of working in a busy well run establishment.  The exuberant repartee of the mostly young crew.  Their forgiveness of neophyte mistakes.  The hugs they give one another when they leave for the night.  The absence of any prejudice, within a crew of different races.  Just people talking to people working with people.

  • The pay stinks, but I think I’ll stay.

A house is not a home

 

The Realtor called this morning, mid coffee.  Someone wants to see my house.

So, I run about, getting the place ready for buyers, once again, once again….Start the vacuum, scare the piss out of the cats (they’ll never forgive me).  Dust and polish those floors.  Spray the covers with a little scent.  Hide all of those small things that might betray the fact that we lived here.  Straighten the broom closet, sweep up the cat crumbs.  A foreign neatness of sorts.  We slobs are not used to this.  Go and buy a nice plant to sit outside the front door.  Welcome, welcome.  They say a good idea is to put a pot of coffee on to simmer, before you slip quietly out the front door.  An enticing smell.  To some.  A tray of cookies, labelled “please help yourself”.

But, the last thing I do, I don’t know why, is to turn that vase of sunflowers just a little, to show its best side.  I move to clean up its fallen petals, then stop.  Leave them there.  Don’t you know it’s Van Gogh?

At least someone cared.

Bombastard

THE PRESIDENT threatened my country with “Ruination” today.

Brings to mind “That ain’t no way to treat a lady”.

Brings to mind a speech by Nikita Khrushchev, who once said “We will bury you!”

Ever since I saw this man on Celebrity Apprentice, I have disliked him.

The classic schoolyard bully.

This is your closest ally you are talking to.

This is your Art of the Deal?

 

A fight in the night

I had the darkest dream last night
It pinned me to my bed
A humming buzz of blackishness
was leaning o’er my head

Its eyes were but a sickly gleam
Its curtains brushed my chest
Its leathered hands upon my mouth
my heartbeat did arrest

My hands and feet were flailing fast
to break this evil dream
I shouted out, but only cast
a smother-muffled scream.

a squeezing of the throat it gave
I thought I would be killed.
but morning broke this devil’s cave,
this darkness, unfulfilled.

 

Eighteen. The rolling green. With my Gravity Queen.

On the last doorstep before green, I stand.
The mossy carpet rolls and ripples to the very jamb.
From away.  Away.

These three have seen me, shepherded me,
sung me, into their house of home.
How long I have slept the sleep I do not know.

We awaken, four, in muslin robes.
Hands, sleeves, embraces long.
And now, the morning vista seen,
I swell with desire for the rolling green.

Our woman, our Queen
encircles my waist
and we float.
She laughs a hearty laugh, and lets go.

I have been touched, and I move through the airs with her.
I anticipate.  I know…
every blade, every knoll, what comes next, what might be at the end.
Our muslins flapping, our hands entwined, we smile to each other.
Me and my Auntie Gravity.

We two

I always use that old chipped green coffee mug.
I never could tell you why.
Stupid secret from another time.
Antiques that follow me.

Our old ice cream haunt from the decades
died this summer.
You began your folding, too.
Still you soldier on,
wearing regret that you could not incite me
to a life.

We come home to the warm room.
Awkward furniture, arranged oddly.
Not encouraging real warmth.
There’s a plush chair, the odd man out, never sat in,
except by the cat.
Company be damned.

I undress for bed.
Pull the car keys and change from my pockets.
Bypassing the proper places,
I lay the keys on a soft stack of facecloths,
the change on a wooly sock, also out of place.
Quiet private wishes,
vicarious comfort for the bones.

Where is the green cup, I ask.