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via Daily Prompt: Simplify

I once saw a meme on the internet that used a picture of two electronic control boxes to simplify common (or perceived) personality traits in men versus women.  The one box, representing women, had fine tuning controls for just about every possible emotion and situation in life, resulting in somewhere around 30 knobs and pointers.  Of course, the other, representing men, had only one:  a toggle switch that said ON/OFF.

I was reminded of it the other day, when my wife and daughter, after having a few cups of tea, decided they wanted to go grocery shopping.  They asked if I wanted to come along, and I said “sure, it’s better than sitting here”.  So they told me to get ready, they were going in a few minutes.

I went and had a shower and shave, then got dressed and said “Ok, are we going?”
They were still drinking yet another cup of tea.  Then, they had to get changed, put on a little makeup, fix the hair, finish up the dishes in the sink, put out some cat food, check Facebook, find out those winter knee boots don’t fit anymore.  I stood there jingling my keys for a bit, then came to the realization that this was going to take a while.  So, I took of my shoes, went upstairs, made a cup of coffee and a sandwich.

As soon as I sat down at the kitchen table, I hear someone say, from the bathroom “OK, that’s it.  We’re ready”.  Out they come, dressed to kill.  Wife says “I thought I told you to get ready”.   Nearly choked on my sandwich.  Had to think of a good one-liner, so I said “What’s with the outfits?  It’s not like we’re going to Wal-Mart or anything.”

God love them.  Looking at those control boxes above, I think maybe both of the sexes could use a little of the other’s traits.  Yes?

What they say

a)  Stop eating at least two hours before bed.
b)  Develop a bedtime routine.
c)  Avoid unnecessary lights, like TV and computer screens.
d)  Use your bed for sleeping.  If you know you can’t sleep, get up and do something else.
e)  If that fails, do mental exercises that will weary you (not counting sheep)
f)  Remove any clocks from your room.  It will lessen the anxiety.
g)  Drink warm milk.
h)  Try to empty your mind.
I)  Eliminate any sources of noise.
j)  Do not over-stress about sleep.  It will come.

What I do

a)  Bring a muffin with me, in case I get hungry.
b)  I have a routine.  Turn on the humidifier, stick the night guard into my mouth, take about six different pills, fill up the water bottle, put on the air mask, stick that bolster under my legs for the back pain, find that most comfortable position after ten tries.
c)  Take the iPad to bed, snap it into its holder, so I can read and write laying on my back.
d)  If I can’t sleep, read some more blogs and write some more silly poems.
e)  Mental exercises include naming the 50 states, and trying to remember the words to
“I am the Walrus”
f)  Set my alarm for 7:30 so I can drive my wife to work, then go back to sleep.
g)  I tried this, but it makes me pee five times.
h)  My mind is already empty.  I fill it with ideas of what to write tomorrow,  what bills I forgot to pay, whether the car will finally conk out, thinking I have made conflicting appointments, hoping that meeting with the newspaper editor will go well.  And, if I happen to get a sudden inspiration to write, I turn the iPad back on and go to town before I forget.
I)  Noise?  No problem.  Close the bedroom door to drown out the wife’s snoring from across the hall, and put those earplugs in for good measure.
j)  Instead of over-stressing about sleep, I play a game with myself.  I try instead to stay awake.