Category Archives: Uncategorized

Ever notice?

  • At the grocery store.  The stealthy way food is being packaged so that you get smaller and smaller quantities for the same price?
  • Because of our demand for year-round produce, the stuff is being picked and shipped in such an unripe state that we seldom even know what the real thing should taste like.
  • The way automakers market their cars now, with more and more distracting “safety” gadgets.  I think it says something about us that we would rely on things like self braking cars with seats that vibrate when you’re about to stray from your lane.  Wake up and take control!
  • That we consume so many chemicals in our food that the latest marketing ploy is to state that your product is “free of this” or “free of that” (pick your poison)?
  • The comedy of prescription drug ads which extol the product’s virtues, then tell you quickly and quietly a list of horrendous side effects that would make any thinking person have serious doubts.
  • The planned obsolescence of things like cellphones and computers so that we need to buy the next bigger and better model?  I’ve had the same phone for six years, just use it for the odd call or text, bought the rubber Otter Box for it, dropped it at least a dozen times without damage, and got my bill down to $25 a month.
  • How we spend a good chunk of our life’s savings on keeping our cars new and stylish, when, looking back (as I do now that I’m older), we could have spent that money on something far more important?
  • That so many of us sit and watch these repetitive reality shows where people are constantly being judged, have to race the clock, seemingly cry on cue so that we can get our vicarious emotional satisfaction?
  • That there are more and more dangerous and crazy people on our roads?
  • That many of those in authority put public safety at risk because of budgetary concerns?  (I live in a small town where repeated requests for improvements to a dangerous crosswalk were not acted upon until the morning after the Mayor’s mother was run over.)

Rant finished for now.  In the words of Jefferson Airplane:

Don’t you want somebody to love?

Don’t you need somebody to love?

Wouldn’t you love somebody to love?

You better find somebody to love.

The Glasses

A couple of years back, when I needed new glasses, I decided to buy them on one of those Two for One deals, from an optical place that was part of a supermarket chain.

The price was good, they were a reasonably current style, and, best of all, the girl there told me they would be repaired or replaced “for any reason” within the first year after purchase.  I thought I would be smart and pay a little extra for the Crizal lenses that are supposed to be super scratch resistant.

Bonus:  she was a pretty attractive and pleasant person as well.

I have to say here that I am really hard on glasses.  I seldom, if ever, keep them in their case, and usually either slip them into my pocket or leave them on the car seat to be sat upon.

Incident number one involved the complete destruction of one pair by leaving them on the stairs and having my wife step on them.  She said sorry, but of course it was not her fault.  Off I went to the point of purchase, and they determined that a replacement was in order.  They were as good as their word, and, within a week, I had a new pair at no charge.

The second mishap was the loss of another pair.  I had been on a fairly long drive down to the city, and I knew I had the glasses with me when I left.  Got back home, no glasses.  Started to panic, and mentally retraced all of my steps that morning, which included a stop at McDonald’s for lunch.  I remembered eating lunch in the car, putting all of the garbage into one bag, and disposing of it in their bin.  Like a thunderbolt, it hit me that I had likely left the glasses on the seat and had shoveled them into the bag with all the garbage.  An hour later, I was back at the scene of the crime.  Went to the counter and explained to one of the ladies that I was going to look through their garbage, and for her not to be alarmed.

She turned out to be another very pleasant and helpful person, saying “no, don’t do that.  I will put on some gloves and empty it for you”.  So she did, and, sure enough, they were there, with salt, vinegar, and ketchup on them.  I was so grateful and embarrassed that I just wanted to take them and leave, but she took them inside and cleaned them up for me.

Forward to a few months later, when I was leaving a friend’s place after a band practice.  Was loading my equipment back into my car, and set my glasses down on the trunk lid in order to open the back door.  You know what happened next.

Did the half hour drive home, and couldn’t find them.  Thunderbolt number 2.  Phoned my friend to see if the glasses were in their driveway, but no.  Drove all the way back, and scanned the roadsides as I neared their place.  Providence was with me, and I spotted them on the highway.  All bent, with one lens hopelessly gouged.

Back to the attractive girl at the optical place, who was beginning to get familiar with me.  Free pair number 2.

One of the really funny parts about getting old is that you can’t remember what you did five minutes ago.  At least two or three times a week, I am wandering around the house trying to find the stupid things.  The most memorable of these occasions was when my wife said “what are you looking for?”.  When I said “my glasses”, she laughed.  They were on my head.

 

 

 

 

Buying a car

Our “New” (new to us) car. First long trip was to A campground where we first met. Kind of a funny story behind it.
I was looking for quite a while to replace our aging Mazda, and wanted something with low mileage that might last me until I am done driving, so finally found this Buick with 49K on it for a good price, on a private deal.

Turned out it was down in Don Mills, but I went to have a look anyway.You know the old saying attributed to used car salesmen? Goes something like “it belonged to an old lady who only drove it on Sundays”.  Well, this one happened to be partially true.  


It was a very elderly couple who couldn’t drive any more. They were in their 80’s, and were taking WheelTrans. The car had sat in their underground for a time.  
Anyway, I got there and met Sonya and Henry, very nice folks. After a cup of tea, I asked to go for a test drive. They couldn’t find the keys. Sonya was blaming Henry for misplacing them, and then she started looking for the spare set she had “put in a box somewhere”.
I was left alone for about ten minutes, and Sonya came out with tears in her eyes because she couldn’t find them. Henry said “let’s go down and look at the car anyway”, so I humoured him. The car looked brand new, except for a few scratches he pointed out, saying that his wife had “hit the pillars” a couple of times. He said she was a pretty bad driver and shouldn’t have bought such a big car.
So, I told them that if they could find the keys and get the car certified by the end of the week that I would come back to give it a test drive. Trip number Two to Don Mills came later on in the week, after they had given me daily phone updates on their progress.
Henry said they had to get keys made, and it cost them $300. So, the two of us go down to the underground garage, and Henry says “I’ll drive it out”. I said OK, and got into the passenger side.  
HENRY HITS THE POLE ON THE WAY OUT, BREAKS THE MIRROR, AND SCRAPES DOWN THE SIDE OF THE CAR.
I thought he was going to cry, and I sure felt sorry for him.
He said “do you still want to drive it?” and I said I would, as long as it was going to be fixed. We then took it out the highway for a bit, and he said “We will drop it off at Buick, and they’ll drive us back to my place”.  
So, I go into the service desk with him, and he tells the guy what happened, and could they fix it etc. The guy says they will send it to their body shop, it will take a few days, and so on, and could he please have insurance details. Henry says “No no, not through insurance”. The guy says “are you sure? This is not going to be cheap”. Henry says “can’t help it”.
It turned out later that he had had his license pulled and was not supposed to be driving, and his wife “was going to kill him” if she found out.
Trip #3 to Don Mills came about a week later, after Henry called me and the car was ready. I drove all the way down after work, and decided to stop into Buick on the way to have a look at it.
The guy said “it’s not done yet. It’s still at the body shop over on Warden Avenue”.
To shorten this already lengthy story, I was down there from 11:00 to 5:30 wating on the car, during which time I was taken out for lunch, went to the bank to get a draft, and then to the licensing office with the two of them to get the transfer done.
There must have been 30 to 40 people in line when we got there, and Sonya said “I should’ve brought my walker, that usually works”. Then she spotted the girl who was running the Information desk, and wheedled her way to the front of the line.
So, the transaction looked to be complete, until the girl said to Sonya, “you’re only missing one thing, the E-test” Sonya said “What E test? It’s almost a new car”., whereupon we were informed that in any transfer of a used vehicle, it is mandatory.  
My heart was in my shoes by this point.
The girl behind the counter smiled and said “don’t worry, you are the owner now, and here is a temporary permit good for ten days, so you will have that time to get the E test done”.
Back we go to Buick, waited another hour until the car showed up, then Henry paid his collision bill, we changed the plates, and I took them home.


Trip #4 to Don Mills was to pick up my old car, which I had to leave in the Buick dealer’s parking lot until I could come down with an extra driver (my son) to get it.
To sweeten the deal a little, my sweet daughter bought me a birthday gift, which is a nifty car detailing package to be done this weekend.
Woo Hoo!

Beatles “converts”?

This isn’t quite the sixties, but early seventies…..I had just bought a record album, the cover of which pictured four long haired guys on a crosswalk. Was still living at home. Parents had gone to bed, and I was sitting in the dark in front of my huge Electrohome stereo with headphones on. In walked my brother and his friend, who were not exactly known as Beatles fans. Friend tapped me on the shoulder, lifted up the headphones, and said “who are you listening to?” Of course, they were pretty stoned at the time. I just passed him the headphones, and he sat down and just listened for about 10 minutes. Finally, he got up, pulled of the phones, and said “that is f**king SOLID, who is it?”

 

Lucidity

Lucidity (dream remembered)

In a strange crowded cafeteria , in the company of a young (boy?) of about 12, with whom I was close (and wanted that closeness back). 

Waiting for something (what?).   Joined the line to get a coffee, and found that the person in front of me had taken the last available cup.  Then I noticed that there were some up on a shelf above the table, but they were very small, like a demitasse.  Went to reach for one, but a hand came and took the last one again.  To the right of that shelf, there were some about the size of a thimble, and I grabbed one.  The lady who was pouring the coffee then said “your entrée slip please”.  I asked what she meant, and she said “you have to order your entrée before you can get a coffee”, and she directed me to a cashier back at the tail end of the line.

Disappointed, I pulled my companion with me, and went to the cashier, who was an ascetic looking woman with a sour expression.  I asked what entrees they had, and could we get one, but she said I must first answer some questions such as where we were from, where we were going, and why were we here etc. 

I quickly became angry, and said to my companion “we’re going”.  Down the stairs to the outside we went, then along a pathway until we came to a gated courtyard.  In order to get through the gate, we had to crawl through a constricted tunnel maze.  We made it, and my distinct thought was “one last indignity”.

Got into our van, and I remembered at this point that I had “borrowed it” from my employer’s parking lot, fully intending to return it before they opened. 

We were then driving on a city street, going “somewhere”, and I had  tremendous anxiety about being late with the van, because of our delay. 

Somewhere within the city, we rounded a corner on a cobblestone street, and I saw a Jester (multi-pointed hat, bells, colourful clothes and all).  He was walking on his hands, and had a big upside down grin.

Right then, a very large bat descended from the sky and landed upon him, knocking him down and nearly covering him completely.

This terrified me, and I awoke.