I’ve been notified that my story “Paved with good intentions” will appear on Spillwords.com on the 19th of May.
Fingers and toes
Every day, I get on the subway at the beginning of its route. About 45 minutes later, I am right downtown, three stops from the end. With any luck, it’s about 7:30 in the morning, and I have lots of time to get a Starbuck’s. After my day in the cubicle, I’ll be back in my parking lot by 5:00.
On this miscellaneous morning, Google says it’s gonna be a hot one. Already, at 6:45, it’s 25 Celsius. There are plenty of people waiting with me for the silver doors to open. There’s the whoosh of wind, the strange vacuum sensation, and the expected climax of chimes in C minor. It’s not unusual for the subway cars to have a few seats already occupied at this, the end of the northbound line. People one stop down the line will get on, just to have somewhere to sit on the southbound journey.
We all get on, and everyone finds a seat. Most are occupied, either with their phone, or with one of those crappy cups of coffee from the station’s vending machine. Straight across from me, next to the doors, a young girl sits. It’s a row of three seats, and no one has sat beside her. Without being obvious, I fall to studying her aspect and mannerisms. She wears a pair of lime green gym shorts and a grey zip up hoodie. It obscures her features to a degree, and her downcast gaze and unwashed hair leave just a runny nose and pouty lips showing out. She’s about thirteen, I think.
There are some odd things about her that pique my curiosity. She wears white socks and no shoes, not even flip-flops. In a pigeon-toed manner, she keeps crossing and uncrossing her feet, bending (and cracking) her toes unconsciously. She has no phone, or so I assume, but it’s her hands I’m focused on. Her fingernails are bitten to the quick, but what I see her do fascinates me, as if I have run across some accidental art. With each hand, she touches, in sequence, the tips of each finger to its member thumb, and then repeats as if part of a game. Then, the tips of all digits from both hands are brought together and flexed as if in a bellows. Tiring of this, she inscribes, with a forefinger, letters upon the palm of the opposite hand. I felt sure that she was spelling something out, and would have given much to read the message. At the last, and just before my stop, she meshes her fingers together and begins to twiddle her thumbs. I have heard the expression before, but have never seen someone actually do it.
As I get up to leave, she looks up for a second, and I see keen blue eyes with lashes stuck together as from stale tears. I step off, trying to think about Starbucks.
This muggy afternoon, I catch my 4:15 to head home. But you have guessed already. Serendipity has shone upon the scene, and this girl sits a few seats down from me. Something tells me she will be there when I reach my destination. In my briefcase I have a pastry, wrapped in plastic, that I bought for the trip home. I stand up nonchalantly, as if getting off at the next stop, look at the subway map, then sit down beside her. She shrinks away a bit, perhaps thinking that I am that weirdo she has been told about.
“I saw you here this morning, and here you are again. Are you okay?” She says nothing, then moves her feet from the floor up to her seat, hugging her knees. “Where do you live?” I do not want to go home she says. I had expected something a little less formal, like “I don’t wanna go home”. “Here…are you hungry?” I offer the pastry to her and she takes it, quickly eating it with her head turned. They drink and they take drugs and they buy things, but not for me. They tell me to hide when someone knocks on the door.
“Look, take this money. Is there a place you can stay tonight?” My friend’s dad has a hotel. He makes her work at the desk sometimes. She could let me stay. He would not know.
I pencil my number on the back of a business card. “Call this number if you need help.
What is your name?”
Layla.
The next day, as I’m eating my substitute pastry, my phone rings. Unknown number.
Picnic by the mining pond – Haibun & Haiku
A room with no view
A room’s been built for me
I think
They cubed it
Such by such by such
No closet to incubate monsters
No dark shiny eyes and secret smiles under the bed
The narrow door locks from the outside
And from the inside
Oh, and no window to let in
the unwanted sun.
And, I can get out.
Sure I can.
As long as those creaky hinges
don’t fall to rust.
Return to the Cage
*****
Cream does not rise to the top
No, it does not
Mediocrity
Rises to the top
Ass kissing rises
Connection making rises
Self interest rises
Self editing rises
Petty power hegemonies
Calculated belittlement
Careful omission
Faint Praise
Falsehood
These rise
Excellence
Goes
Hungry and lonely among us
We shake our heads
And sigh
Such a poignant story
Makes our own more bearable
Never do we All
Point to All of us and say
This
Is
Unacceptable
What
Will
We do about it?
Do?
Why, finish shaking
Our heads of course
Maybe blot a little tear
And return
To the cage
*****
The poet/editor of this website is physically disabled, and lives at a fraction of her nation’s poverty level. Contributions may be made at:
https://www.gofundme.com/are-you-a-patron-of-the-arts
At the gate
I bring cats to Restful Acres. I guess they’re called therapy animals now.
I’m a widower, in my 50’s, and fortunate enough to have time on my hands. In the last few years, the faces here have come and gone, and some have become friends to me. My old Mum was a mainstay here, but she passed just over a year ago.
There’s an old fellow that came here about two months back. I don’t know his circumstances, but I can tell you that I’ve never seen him have any company. His name is George, and each time I come, I bring The Captain with me to try and cheer him a little.
Captain is a fat old grey tabby with a bent tail and only one eye. I “rescued” him from a sordid life on the streets, although I think he mainly resents being domesticated. But, he is gentle enough with people and affectionate to a degree.
When I come, George is always in his big rocking chair. It’s an antique, and no doubt belongs to him or to his family. Its ornate woodwork and plush upholstery seem at one with his ever-present cardigans of cashmere and their buttons of bone. Today’s colour is a pale mauve. Yesterday’s was pastel green. I think he may have one for each day of the week.
George does not speak. Indeed, he has never made a sound in my presence, save for the occasional and unavoidable escape of gas. I have learned that he has his own private nurse, and that he must have come from a well established family, for he is always impeccably groomed. No hair out of place, moustache trimmed just so, manicured hands, cologne in just the right amount. The nurse tells me that he is a veteran of two wars, and that he has not spoken since his arrival. She encouraged me to come visit him with the cat, as nothing else had seemed to reach him.
The first two visits I made did not evoke a response. I made no attempt to speak to him, save to ask him if he would like to hold the Captain. His startling eyes stared at a point a little above him and to the right, as if in contemplation of a thing terrible or celestial, and he seemed not to blink. The offer of the cat had no effect upon him, even if I set it gently in his lap. The third time I came, I noticed that while his big hands rested palm down on the flat of the rocker’s arms, his right index finger was keeping up a steady beat upon the wooden surface. Like a metronome, it never lost or gained time. After watching this for a spell, I realized that each beat was exactly one second. The clock on the wall confirmed this.
I will say that nine minutes had elapsed with his steady tapping when he stopped abruptly and turned his hands palm up. His stare did not change, but he leaned forward slightly and brought his hands together. I knew this was Captain’s moment, and I placed him gently into George’s hands. He leaned back, gathered the cat to his chest, and for the first time guided his gaze away from its singular focus. George was now present, at least for the moment, as he bent his head to study the purring animal he was stroking. I could not see his face clearly, but I fancied I saw a slight crinkling of that grey moustache as a smile of serenity spread. As he raised his face, his eyes were closed and wet with tears. His bottom lip quivered before he regained some control, and then he handed Captain back to me. I offered him a handkerchief. He gave the smallest nod, and took it to wipe his eyes.
Two deep breaths he took, then raised his chin once more, his eyes moving back to that point inscrutable. I then felt like an interloper, a voyeur, because I could see quite clearly that George was reliving something. Terror, shame, blame, courage, and things unholy were shown out in the rendering of his spirit. Now I knew that George had only been waiting. Waiting at the gate.
Spillwords publication
Hi…my poem”Spring shall overcome” has been published here before, and now Spillwords has accepted it and they have it featured on their front page today. I thank their editors for taking the piece.
Ageless Angel

She was that age, that ageless something
Between rose petal cheeks and silver waves of fascination
Where the foundations moved but the plans never changed
Where her eyes only ever shone brighter, more acutely than before
Piercing like twin stars set in her own personal heaven
A girl with a woman’s knowing, woman with a girl’s innocence
The sort of carefree soul who bought coral rings just to remember other people’s dreams
It was easier for her living through the dreams of others, I think
As she had no time to waste on her own
I’ve forgotten what they called her because her name never really mattered
Not to those who shared her timeline, her space, her place
A name, as with the asking her age, was pointless
For whoever took the time to speak to the wind
When the only thing that mattered was feeling it rustling their hair
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Deep rest
Normally I do not post preachy sayings or quotations. This one is an exception.

Things unsettled
Have you felt it,
dear one?
The oddness,
the forced smiles,
the hurried looks.
The swift shutting of doors
at dusk in huddled houses.
Poisonous seeds have been sown.
Short fuses in broad day.
Scripted horrors bring us to the brink.
Our world is waiting.
